My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
