Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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