you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
