He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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