Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
