either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I skipped work to stalk him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
