If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
