She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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