so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
