I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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