Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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