guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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