So drunk its hurt
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
