Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
