They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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