omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
