I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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