apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You took a bar mat shot.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
