Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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