I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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