I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
