People in love make me want to vomit
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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