I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
