I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
