My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
