i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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