I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
