how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
