I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
