Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
