The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize