girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
