I just cut my nipple shaving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
