I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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