no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
