Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
