And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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