Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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