Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
