Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
