you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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