super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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