There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
