we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
