I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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