So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want to make out with him forever
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
