Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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