ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
