i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
