dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
