Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
