she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
