He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
