Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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