i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
