well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
