addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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