I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
