Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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