I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
