He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
