i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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