remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
