a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize