Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need a hoe opinion
go on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
