she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
