On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
