Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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