You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
