I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
