I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
