just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As shirtless as possible
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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